Just An Average, Ordinary Day
by The Ringleaders
Summary: Maybe adding roses to the pipe-weed wasn't such a good idea after all...


Disclaimer: I have yet to consult my co-authors, but I know I don't own it, and I'm sure they don't, either.   
  
Hey, everybody! This is Gwen here! In this fic, we *HAD* to have roses, mithril, elven wine, and pipe-weed, so if those objects seem random, that's why. I can't think of anything else to say right now, other than this: REVIEW!!!   
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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…wait, wrong story. Let me start again…   
Once upon the time there was a beautiful princess… wait, wrong again. I'll try once more…   
In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit… Well, I suppose it could work, but it's copyrighted… three strikes, I'm out.   
*Ahem*   
Anyway, this a not-so-long-heralded story of what happened when additives were first introduced into the tobacco industry, and the psychedelic events that followed. The Moral: Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups.   
Now we watch as the scene in Rivendell unfolds.   
Merry walks in. "and now for something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT."   
Wrong fanfiction, Merry.   
"Oh………… What's my line, then?"   
"What's in that bottle, Pippin?"   
"Oh yeah!!!" Merry turned to his cousin. "What's in that bottle, Pippin?"   
"This, my friend, is some of the finest elven wine a hobbit could ever hope for."   
"Elves make WINE? I'm getting some!"   
"But I already HAVE some!"   
"Right..... I knew that! I knew that!"   
Pippin rolled his eyes. "Sure you did!"   
"I DID!"   
"Yeah. I've got the pipeweed, but I forgot my pipe. Could you be a dear, sweet cousin and get it?"   
It was Merry's turn to roll his eyes. "For you? Anything!" With that, he walked out of the room in search of Pippin's pipe.   
Pippin looked, making sure he was gone, and pulled his pipe out of his jacket. He began to put pipeweed in it, but was distracted in mid-movement by a cheery red rose peeking in the window. He walked over to the window and picked the flower, putting his nose to it to smell it. Unfortunately, he pricked his finger on it when he placed it on the table. Hearing a chuckle, he whirled around.   
"Frodo!!"   
"Yes?" asked the hobbit, who had apparently been watching the whole ordeal.   
"Look who's eavesdropping now!!" exclaimed Pippin.   
"What? Me? Eavesdropping? Nah…"   
Pippin shook his head and pointed his finger at the door. "Out."   
"What? You want to be alone with Merry?" Frodo said, raising his eyebrow.   
A look of disgust crossed Pippin's face. "Stay, then."   
"No, I got to go meet Sam and Legolas. Legolas is going to give us a tour of Rivendell. Apparently he knows it pretty well, even though he's a Mirkwood native." With that, he walked out the door and down the hall.   
* Meanwhile *   
Sam threw back his head, holding his hands to the sky in a great gesture of 'Why Me?!' "AUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!" The cry echoes across the vale of Rivendell; birds scatter, bunnies hide, and the elves cringe in their halls.   
Frodo (busy trying to put on Bilbo's mithril coat to 'borrow' it before the old hobbit wakes from yet another nap) rushes out to Sam's side. "Whatever is the matter?"   
"MY ROSE!!!!!" Sam's eyes glowed red; the veins stuck out in his neck. "SOMEONE STOLE MY PERFECT ELVEN ROSE!!!" He covered his face in his hands and wept. "I planted one of Elrond's bare root roses and it magically came to bloom overnight! It was beautiful--you should have seen it! Now who in the world would have done such a thing . . . "   
Their thoughts turned immediately to a certain Took . . .   
* in Pippin's room, five Minutes later *   
Pippin took the rose, stripped a few petals off, and put them on the table next to the bag of pipeweed. Thinking, he took the end of his pipe and ground the petals up. He then scooped these into the bag of pipeweed and shook the bag a little to mix it in, forgetting to shut the bag and subsequently spilling a large amount of pipeweed on the floor. He swore and grabbed a broom from the corner, hastily sweeping the spilled pipeweed under the hearth rug. He then retuned the broom to its corner and finished mixing the rose petals into the pipeweed.   
Just then, Merry came in. "PIPPIN!" he shouted. "You led me on a wild goose chase!!"   
"Yes I did."   
"You! I would tackle you here and now, except for the fact that you're the one with the pipeweed, and it wouldn't look good if anyone walked in."   
Pippin smiled innocently and held the pipeweed out to his cousin, who filled his own pipe rather suspiciously.   
Once Pippin had watched Merry's reaction and concluded it was safe, he filled his own pipe and lit it.   
Twenty minutes later, the room had filled up with pink smoke. Pippin giggled, leaning heavily against Merry.   
"lloook att that there caa--" Merry said. "Caa--- caa---"   
"Catt?" Pippin suggested.   
"yesh. That there ca—caa--- caatt is tapp d-d-daanceng!   
"y r th authorz sudnely soo baad att spelng?" Pippin asked. Both sank to their knees. "WHYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"   
The authors' voices suddenly boomed out from nowhere at Merry and Pippin.   
"BECAUSE!!!"   
"Oh. Fine then. That's good enough, eh, Pip?"   
"No! I don't want to look like an idiot!!"   
Merry nudged his cousin, sending him to the floor.   
"Hey!!!"   
"Well, don't you remember what happened last time we disagreed with the authors!? We ended up in a slash fiction SERIES!"   
"So?"   
Merry gawked at his cousin before backing into the corner, one leg out in front of him in case he had to defend himself.   
"Yeah, I guessh that's a good enough reason." And with that, they both fell to the floor in a deep sleep.   
Just then, Sam burst into the room, Frodo and Legolas unsuccessfully trying to hold him back. But all three stopped and collapsed as soon as they entered the room, falling asleep as the other two hobbits had done a short time ago.   
*** Inside their collective dream ***   
Merry whooped, throwing his hat in the air. It bounced off the clouds and landed in a nearby tree, pink with bright purple leaves. He frowned as it bloomed, sending out tartan flowers. One fell to the ground and Frodo gawked in amazement as it sprouted legs from its stem and walked over to him. Its petals opened like a mouth and it began to sing.   
"Lucy in the sky with diamonds…"   
Pippin blinked. This was the weirdest dream he'd ever had. Suddenly Legolas' hair turned all colors of the rainbow and his left ear fell off. The ear walked over to Merry and bit him on the ankle. Merry giggled and picked the ear up in his hand. It suddenly turned into a small penguin that began to talk rapidly about the Clinton scandal and his personal long-lived friendship with Monica Lewinski. Merry set the penguin down on the bright orange grass and it walked over to Legolas, hopping up on his shoulder and eating his right ear.   
Suddenly, the flower began to psycho-babble. "weasel yak!" it exclaimed. "bubbly gastronomical flaming fondue!!"   
"CABBAGE!" Merry exclaimed.   
Now Legolas looked at the tree. Its flowers were slowly turning into money. He quickly began to gather as much money as he could before he realized it was English currency. He dropped it.   
"Mystery Machine llama nobel prize!" the first flower exclaimed. "Indonesia!"   
Merry shook his head, wishing he could wake up. Suddenly a Magic 8-ball dropped out of the sky, knocking Legolas out cold. Sam, who had wandered off somewhere, called Frodo's name.   
"Frodo's name!!!" he called, popping out from behind another tree, motioning for them to follow him. They obliged, Pippin picking up the 8-ball and bringing up the rear. They left Legolas to get eaten by a badger or something.   
Once they reached a field, they found what Sam had been yelling about. Large stocks of candy canes had sprouted in a line. Sam picked one up and tasted to find the oh-so-familiar taste of pistachio and rhubarb.   
Pippin shook the 8-ball frantically. "Will we ever wake up!?" he asked. The ball's cube surfaced.   
"Just follow the damn yellow brick road!" it read.   
Pippin shrugged and took off down a yellow brick road that had suddenly appeared.   
"Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!" he sang, er, belted as he skipped down the road. The others gave up and followed him, leaving Legolas (who was now being mugged by a wolverine) to be- well, - mugged by a wolverine.   
Finally they reached the end of the road, which had a banner proclaiming "International Sleepwalking Race FINISH LINE." They crossed it and found themselves all awake and back in Rivendell.   
And they all lived happily ever after, even Legolas, who is now living in Vatican City on a wolverine reserve.  
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Well, now that you've done the reading half, do the reviewing half! 


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